T’ai Chi Tuesday and Waiting
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on March 9, 2010 at 10:04 pm
T’ai Chi class was really great this week. Today we learned Turn and Kick with Left Heel – which is a 180 degree spin followed by a heel kick straight out, this move is then followed up by two Brush Knees, Brush Left Knee then Brush Right Knee. I have a somewhat difficult time keeping my balance during the kicks, but I seem to be able to do the spin fairly well – perhaps because it happens quickly and gives me no time to think. The way that Turn and Kick and the two brush knees flow into each other is simultaneously clever and beautiful.
Next week was supposed to be our last week of class, but we’ve been slow and aren’t done with the form yet so Mike is going to extend class an extra 3 or 4 weeks to get it all in. Even with the extension we’re going to have to fly now to get it all in, but that’s ok, I like the focus.
Today was an almost oddly nice day. It was a pleasantly productive day at work, I’ve been given an interesting side project to work on, I got in early so I was able to leave early and cook myself a decent dinner, class was great. The air is (relatively) warm, the city smelled fresh and clean after the day’s rain. I can feel the earth waking up, spring is coming.
I had an interesting and busy weekend. I’m currently waiting on news which could greatly affect my future, and I find myself curiously content to wait. I may finally have the opportunity to move away from here, but I find myself very very sad over the idea that I won’t be able to study at the T’ai Chi Center anymore. That is one thing that would definitely be worth sticking around for, but I also have a handful of extraordinarily compelling reasons to move on. I’ll be able to continue studying T’ai Chi where I would be going (the teacher there is knowledgeable and enthusiastic), but the form and the feel of it would be a bit different, no less rewarding I believe, just different.
Curious, 6 months ago I wanted nothing more than to move, now I find myself a bit nervous about the idea. Fear of change I think. Also, I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can admit that life here could be ok. I was blaming all the personal anguish and strife I’ve experienced over the years here on the city itself, and really it’s my fault. My actions and inactions caused my own misery, not the city. I think I needed to figure that out before I’d be presented with the opportunity to leave. When I leave, I need to be walking towards an opportunity, towards my future, not running away from the past.
Fortune
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on March 8, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Latest fortune cookie fortune:
A person with a determined heart frightens problems away.
T’ai Chi Tuesday
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on March 2, 2010 at 7:57 pm
This weeks T’ai Chi class was remarkably similar to last week’s class, except mirrored. Last week we learned High Pat on Horse – Right Side, and Separate Right Foot. This week we learned High Pat on Horse – Left Side and Separate Left Foot. As you might expect both are quite similar to the right side versions, just mirrored.
By the time I left work this evening I was feeling very run down. All three gents who sit behind me, despite being strapping young fellows, are all ill with colds, sinus infections, etc. I was irritated with the possibility that I might be coming down with something, of course it’s never fun or convenient to be sick, but I have a large amount of important things to do this week. Now is really not a good time. As I ate my dinner before class I thought about how it’d be really nice to just curl up in a ball, go to sleep, and skip class. But I knew that class always makes me feel good so I went. And indeed, no major personal revelations this week, no deep secrets of the Universe revealed, instead I feel good. Really damn good. Not at all sick, and even somewhat optimistic. Ah, what a pleasant feeling. Like one warms their hands by the fire on a cold winter night, one warms their cold and sad heart in the soft glow of optimism. I’ll reinforce the good energy with some miso soup and vitamin C for good measure, and try to get a good night’s sleep.
Found Fortune
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on March 1, 2010 at 7:55 pm
While doing some hard-core cleaning and furniture re-arranging tonight I found a fortune cookie fortune under a bookcase:
Grant yourself a wish this year; depend on them to guide you.
Depend on who? The wish? God(s)? Friends? Family? All of the above? Or are the two statements not really related? Inscrutable Chinese wisdom? Or just a shitty translation?
No idea who this fortune originally belonged to, Tom or I, or how old it may be.
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on March 1, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Once I heard music
in every tree and kind smile,
now all is silent.
T’ai Chi Tuesday
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on February 23, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Tonight in T’ai Chi class we reviewed the Badwan Jinn exercises, reviewed Snake Creeps Down, Golden Cock Stands on Left Leg, and Golden Cock Stands on Right Leg, and learned two new positions: High Pat On Horse – Right Side and Separate Right Foot. Both of the new positions are pretty easy to understand, Separate Right Foot is difficult to do. It will definitely require much practice to build up the strength to hold the leg and the arms up in the air properly.
I think I understand Snake Creeps Down much better now, it was the four foot pivots that were confusing me. It seems complicated, but they naturally follow the body direction and the weight shifts, so I think they’ll become second nature with a bit more practice.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough rocks.
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on February 22, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Insomnia continues. Woke up every couple of hours last night. Finally gave up trying to sleep a little before 6. Got to work by 7am, Got a ton done. Had a vague headache all day but was otherwise surprisingly functional. Hoping for more sleep tonight.
Watched a couple movies on TV tonight, Groundhog Day, and then Forrest Gump. I had seen both several times before, but I found extra meaning in both this evening. I’ll have to give them some more thought. I have the urge to watch City Lights now, but I don’t have the time to really devote my full attention to it, and it’s really the sort of movie that one should sit down and watch.
Ran through the T’ai Chi form 4 times this evening. Felt very good. Had the feeling of compelled movement in my arms, good balance. Felt connected. Made a few mistakes, but they were minor. Repulse monkey and Cloud Hands continue to improve, I’m befuddled by Snake Creeps down. Hopefully we’ll do some more review tomorrow. Emotions were a bit odd, surge of love one moment, despair the next. Side effect of the movies I watched I think. But I tried to just let them go, let the feelngs flow through me and away and just focus on the movement, the flow of arms and legs from position to position. Sleep now. Practice again in te morning.
That’s all I have to say about that.
Sorry
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on February 21, 2010 at 5:23 pm
No music today, I have a massive headache and have spent a good portion of the day sleeping.
Also, my EWI is malfunctioning. 
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on February 20, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Last night was odd, I kept waking up every couple of hours. Consequently I was feeling rather run down today and didn’t get much of value accomplished besides cooking a couple of good meals, doing some dishes, exercising, and taking a nap.
My T’ai Chi session this evening was short, only ran through the form once. Physically it felt really good, but something about it was causing me to feel sad. I took it as an opportunity to focus on meditation and work on just letting go of the feeing, but it was rather tenacious. Very strange, T’ai Chi usually makes me feel better, not worse. Hopefully I’ll be back to “normal” tomorrow. I had been feeling emotionally fine all day otherwise.
I’m trying to eat a bit better, more fresh or freshly prepared food, less pre-packaged or canned food. I’m also trying to eat less sugar, less refined carbs, and eat more protein and fresh veggies. I was doing some reading on nutrition lately and it seems that I’ve BARELY been eating enough protein to maintain what muscle I have, let alone add much new muscle. I’ll be curious to see how altering my diet will affect me, assuming I can stick to it.
I wanted to laugh today, big belly laughs. I watched several funny movies searching for the great guffaw, but I was only able to achieve a few chuckles. That’s probably the thing I miss most about my college friends, we laughed so much that we’d get cramps in our jaw muscles. It was a condition we called “Eeeee!” because of the way your face is contorting and cramping it’s difficult to say anything other than Eeeeee. Because of this the name of my netbook always makes me smile. While my netbook has yet to amuse me so much that it lives up to its name, I still like it anyway.
Tuesday, T’ai Chi, and other things
Posted by Auraveda in Uncategorized on February 16, 2010 at 8:30 pm
I woke up early this morning, at 5AM. I contemplated just staying up, and I wish I would have, I fell back to sleep only to have nightmares. Actually, that’s not quite true. It was a nice dream. In it the ex and I were still together, I had bought that house I had been thinking about and we were living there together, happy. Scenes of our screwy version of domestic bliss. Sort of how I was picturing what the future would be, before he left. So, it wasn’t a nightmare, just a happy dream that left me sad.
Today was the first day of work in the new building. They set the cubes up so that all the graphics people are sitting with their backs to the big windows. The bright morning sun washes out our screens. Closing the blinds helped a bit, but a better solution is currently being considered. Parking is tight. The lots and the structure get FULL if you don’t come early enough. More incentive to arrive early I guess. It’s very warm in there and the air is really dry. I’m definitely not used to this sort of office space, I felt vaguely like I’d been sitting in a dentist’s waiting room all day. The area outside our office in the building reminds me of an airport food court. I’m not sure if I like the new space or not, I think I need to give it some time.
I seem to have achieved some sort of psychic unity with my Pandora radio stations. First I was listening to my modern rock station, but Pandora was tossing in some Johnny Cash songs about loneliness nearly every other song. Great songs, but goodness are they difficult to listen to, I’m not sure I’ve heard any better representation of how terribly lonely and hopeless I feel sometimes. I suppose my suffering is hardly unique. I switched over to my classical station to get away from depressing songs with words and it played for me a disjointed and depressed sounding Shostakovich string quartet followed by Barber’s Adagio for Strings. *sigh* It redeemed itself though by playing the Largo from Dvorak’s 9th symphony (the New World symphony). It’s stunningly beautiful, and I hadn’t heard it in ages. It made me want to rush home, start practicing my clarinet, practicing piano, and reading music theory so that some day I too may have the chance to contribute something so beautiful to the world.
T’ai Chi class was good as always. The new positions we learned today are Snake Creeps Down (aka Descending Single Whip), Golden Cock Stands on Left Leg, and Golden Cock Stands on Right Leg. We also did a fair amount of review on Repulse Monkey and Cloud Hands. It felt really good to be back in class tonight after missing last week because of the snow. My knees and my hip hurt now though, worked really hard. I need to review more before I go to bed, there’s a lot of little shifts and foot position changes in Snake Creeps Down that I might forget if I don’t review until tomorrow night.
I’m rather tired, I should review right now and go to bed, but I don’t want to. I’ve been having a lot of those “happy dreams that make me sad” lately and I’m tired of it. I think I’d rather have regular old nightmares. Well, it leaves me depressed enough that it’s giving me ample opportunity to practice molding my thoughts to be more positive. Difficult to be positive when my subconscious seems intent on torturing me with lovely visions of what could have been, but shall never be, but then no one ever said that changing for the better was easy. The T’ai Chi meditation would help with this as well I imagine, I need to just let go of all these feelings. It didn’t happen. It won’t happen. Move on.
I like to speak about my subconscious as if it’s a different person, but it isn’t. Just me here. That’s an important thing to remind myself of once in a while. I am torturing myself with visions of what could have been. I do this because it’s difficult to let go of the pain. I want to hurt. The pain reminds me that I loved. I feel like if I let go of the pain I have to let go of the love too.
Feeling a bit on edge again, like something bad is waiting to happen. Hopefully it’s nothing and I’m just jumpy from all the change at work.